Tag Archives: Pain

Oct30

DAY 303

Posted on October 30, 2013 by lsgrlr

Every sunset says, “you get another chance tomorrow.”
(Photo by Lisa R.)

Sometimes the people who exude the most strength are the weakest and most fearful. They hide behind a facade hoping not to get caught, but eventually all things are found out. Some one I respect did something that changed my view of them as a grown up. Why? Because the behavior exhibited was childish and disappointing. The thing is the person knows they are in the wrong, but won’t take ownership. I want to be angry, but I can’t because I understand where they are coming from. Have you ever done something that you felt so bad about, you couldn’t apologize? Even though with all your heart you wanted to mend the fence and build back the bridge, you couldn’t because of your shame and disappointment in yourself. I know someone who is feeling that way right now. I know personally what that feeling does to your insides, to your character, and self-worth. To that person I want to say, open your mouth. No matter how guilty and shameful you feel, still speak. Living with the guilt will break you apart, like shattered glass. You’ll forever spend your life trying to hide an ever growing and festering wound. Open up and take ownership, only then can you begin to heal. Allow the people you love, and who love you, to be the sap for your wound. Don’t run from the pain that the truth will bring, but embrace it, learn from it, and grow from it. Medicine that heals stings for but a moment. But a would left untreated will infect your entire being, Choose: momentary pain that leads to healing…or life long infection, that leads to misery.

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13).

So what am I thankful for today? Healing wounds.

Oct1

DAY 274

Posted on October 1, 2013 by lsgrlr

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We should never travel alone. We all need someone to hold us up if we fall.
-(Picture by Lisa R.)

I had a talk with a friend today, it was emotionally jarring. Not because I was berated, or talked down to. But because she had so much going on in her life. The thing is, if she had not said anything I would never have guessed the gravity of her situation. I knew from just general observation that she was going through a bit of a hard time, but I chalked it up to “general” life problems. The thing is she’s not going through “general” life problems, she has “REAL” difficult life problems. The kind that leaves you feeling dejected, empty, and hollow. The kind that you need support to get through. Only she had become such a good actress that no one knew the desperation she was feeling. In her words, “I know how to be alone, I don’t know how to ask for help.” Today she didn’t ask for help, even as she relayed her story and her pain, her final words to me were, “I got this.” I left feeling like the the most horrible friend in the world. How could I not have noticed? Then I remembered: Cut to me nine years ago, feeling the same kind of desperation and despair, just like with my friend no one knew the pain I was going through. It is weird that in the moments that we need help the most, we fake strength the best. Here’s a little honest advice, if you’re hurting, let others know. No man (or woman) is an island. We are not meant to bear the burden alone, we can’t. God intended for us to carry the load together.

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

So what am I thankful for today? Painful conversations.

Sep17

DAY 260

Posted on September 17, 2013 by lsgrlr

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Sunsets remains us that everything has an ending.
(Picture by Lisa R.)

I have a question today. What do you do when one of the people you love and respect the most does something that has disappointed you, almost to the point of anger and tears? I have experienced these feelings before. At that time I gave into the feelings and have to say I did not handle the situation as I really would have liked. It took some time for me to get over my anger and hurt. Today as I sit here feeling similar feelings, I am asking myself, “If it turns out that I have to walk this road again, how will I handle it the second time around?” We never know what another person is really thinking, we may get small glimpses here and there (but many times we ignore what we see). Today I am asking God to prepare my heart, my mind, and my spirit for whatever is to come. I am trusting in His wisdom to guide me, because my wisdom is limited. It is interesting that while my feelings and emotions are disappointed I can honestly say that my spirit is calm. There is a part of me that know this is a trial and that it will pass, that there will be an end. I also have the assurance that God will not waste any of it, it will all lead to my growth and make me stronger. Today I may be disappointed, but tomorrow (after I view it through the lens of God) I will see the reason and growth behind it. Until that day I press on.

Sep15

DAY 258

Posted on September 15, 2013 by lsgrlr

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Stay the course. Even when you hit a bump…stay the course.
(Picture by Lisa R.)

Today has been for the most part a very emotionally jarring day. We all have that one person, that one thing that can undo all the ground we have gained. Today’s emotional turmoil has been brought about by none other than my father. This post is hard to write, because it is so personal, but good because I saw so clearly today that God has saved my family (my mom, brother and I). Yesterday was a great day, it wasn’t perfect by any means (no day could be), but emotionally speaking all was right with the world. That is until my mother had a hour long conversation with my father, (who until this very day has not apologized for his part in any of what happened in our family). After the conversation my mom was visibly agitated and once gain reliving guilt that she has tried very hard to let go off. What goats me is that she knows that what he says, is NOT the truth, yet every time, without fail she falls for his words. Normally my M.O. is to get mad at her for allowing him to do that to her. But today I felt God say, let her talk. So I did. I let her say all she wanted to say. It was hard to hear my mom say the way she was feeling, but she needed to say it in order to heal. I realize that in so many ways I stunt her healing because I don’t let her talk about it (mostly because I don’t want to hear…yes, I know selfish). But if she can’t talk about how she’s feeling with people who love her (without fear of judgement), then she will forever hold on to this. The journey can be hard, and sometimes the person you intended to make the trip with jumps ship and you find yourself traveling alone. Today I understood how my mom feels, perhaps for the first time. I have no room to judge her feelings, I can only stand by her side and let her know she isn’t traveling alone.

“A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity” (Psalm 68:5-6).

So what am I thankful for today? Emotional turmoil, genuinely. It helps us to see what we have been saved from.

Jun24

DAY 175

Posted on June 24, 2013 by lsgrlr

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A light shines brightest in times of darkness.
(Picture by Lisa R.)

What do you do when you see an injustice (that has been justified), being committed? How do you swallow wrong? Today I encountered villainy, and was powerless to stop it. The perpetrators of the crime had woven a web so strategic in its planning that the poor moth had no option but to get entangled in the trap. I get angry when I see oppression and prejudice. I get even angrier when I realize that it was planned for the sole purpose of messing with someone else’s life. Today as this story unfolded right in front of me, I realize just how mean spirited we (human beings) can be, when we allow jealous and rivalry to step in and replace our conscience. Today the person hurt did not deserve the punishment that was doled out. Today wrong won over right and the culprit lost a bit of his/her humanity. I am saddened and disgusted that someone could hurt my friend so mercilessly. However, I am also happy because now the door is wide open for new opportunity and new adventures. This pot hole on the journey if seen in the wrong light could be taken as an obstacle, but it should be seen for what it is a new start. A chance to rewrite the story the way it was meant to be read. On this journey people will dislike us. People will make plans to harm and hurt us. But each blow (no matter how painful) gives us the opportunity to start afresh. Here’s to new beginnings, and roads yet to be traveled.

“He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged” (Isaiah 42:3, NLT).

So what I am thankful for today? That God can turn an injustice into a blessing.

Jun20

DAY 171

Posted on June 20, 2013 by lsgrlr

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On this journey you will have dark days. But God will always send rays of hope…
(Picture by Lisa R.)

Loooong day today. Sometimes that just how it goes. I complained a lot, but every (single) time my heart was pricked. God gently reminded me of why I do what I do. Patients need help and no matter how crumby I feel my day is going, it will never compare to hearing you have cancer…and it has spread. So I take the rough days and the not so rough days. I am thankful that I am allowed to help someone that is in need. Today I had a conversation with a co-worker about how we tend make it all about ourselves when other people are in pain. Nothing irks me more than when someone is in agony and they just need someone to be on their side, only to hear phrases like: “When this happened to me….” Today God used the day as a lesson. I wanted to make it all about me, about how irritated I was that the day exploded. But it’s NOT about me. On this journey we will be tempted to comfort others by talking about ourselves (would you find it comforting if someone did that to you?). The Bible says weep WITH those who weep, and laugh WITH those that laugh. Experience it with them. DON’T take it away from them. It is not always about you (no matter what your mama said).

“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15, NLT).

So what am I thankful for today? That I am learning it’s not about me (although there are days I really want it to be).

May24

DAY 144

Posted on May 24, 2013 by lsgrlr

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After you do all you need to do…REST.
(The Zoo, Daejeon South Korea. Picture by Lisa R.)

Lessons from my hospital bed. Yesterday I went to the ER at 3pm. I had abdominal pains the night before (the kind that made me pray, Lord if you get me through the night. I promise…). The next morning I woke up (packed a bag for just in case) and went to work. I left work early for a previously scheduled doctor’s appointment. Then I drove to the hospital. Here’s something interesting, until I reached my destination no one really knew how I was feeling (not even my family). I have had several hours, lots of medication, and a comfy hospital room to think about my actions. I once read a quote by Maya Angelou that went like this, “You can be in pain, but you don’t have to be a pain.” That statement has stuck with me. I see it lived out everyday in the lives of my cancer patients. They don’t let their illness dictate their life or their attitude (the majority of them at least). Yesterday I smiled, I laughed, and I enjoyed the day (all the while feeling sick). I learned two important lessons. The first is this: We really can control our actions. We don’t have to act on every whim of our feelings. We aren’t the only ones in pain, others are hurting too, sometimes you have to hold your pain, in order to be there for another. Society teaches us to look out for ourselves. I say our needs will be met if we look out for others first. Yesterday I wasn’t a burden to my family, my co-workers, or my patient. Today my needs are being met.

“But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave” (Matthew 20: 26-27, NLT).

So what am I thankful for today? Life lessons and nice hospital rooms. (My second lesson? Hospital gowns are waaay too breezy)

Apr28

DAY 118

Posted on April 28, 2013 by lsgrlr

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“So when the pain comes in like rain from the parts of life that maintains its strain, I can put my trust in the hands that sustain. It’s profound that with all these sinking ships around me, He surrounds me and He anchors me with His grace abounding.”
-“Anchor”, by Beautiful Eulogy-

“Anchor of my soul you sustain. When I’m in the storm you remain, you remain, good to me, good to me.” This is the chorus to one of my favorite songs, “Anchor” by Beautiful Eulogy from their album Satellite Kite. Life has storms and my boat will rock and sway…but my anchor REMAINS and sustains. Today has been one of those days when I needed to be reminded of this very truth. I didn’t wake up in a bad mood, but the day started with a deficit anyway. Why? My mom woke up in pain, which always throws me off track. When she is in pain she is testy and cranky (as we all are because we can’t see past how we feel). It is hard for me as her child to see this, knowing that I can’t make it stop. As children when we are sick, Mom makes it better. However, Mom doesn’t have a cold, or a cut. She pulls herself together determined to go to church. As we made the drive to church this song played from my iPod. It settles my soul and my mom’s soul. It reminds us some days there will be pain and discomfort, but our anchor is secure. He understands our weakness. He sympathies with our frailties. He through ALL situations and at ALL times will remain…GOOD (to you and I).

So what am I thankful for today? An anchor that is secure no matter the category of the storm.

Apr15

DAY 105

Posted on April 15, 2013 by lsgrlr

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A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
(Picture by Lisa R. – Owner)

What a tragic day for Boston, for America. The peace that we often take for granted is being threatened by unknown forces. As I sit watching the news, my prayers go out for the families of the injured and the dead. I can’t for a moment imagine the pain and fear. Life is so fragile. At any moment, without any warning, it can be taken away. Today, what I thought was this: If you are a parent, hug your children, draw them close and let them know that you love them. Teach them that love transcends and disperses hate. If you are a husband or a wife, spend time with your spouse. Realize that you are blessed to have someone willing to put up with your imperfections. Tell your family and your friend how much they mean to you. Life is short. We have no guarantees, so don’t lose a single second. Don’t take anything for granted. Today, a selfish act was committed in our country. Let us, as a nation, combat that with selflessness. My prayer: Lord please hold the people of Boston in Your arms. Give them Your peace and shower them with Your love. Please allow them to have justice. Keep them safe and secure for the remainder of this day. In Your name I pray. Amen.

So what am I thankful for today? That even in the midst of tragedy we can still pray. We can still find peace.

Feb25

DAY 56

Posted on February 25, 2013 by lsgrlr

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Pain is necessary, it makes us thankful for the moments we are pain-free.

Some days you just need chocolate, today was one of those days. My mom was discharged from the hospital today. She was admitted on Saturday for severe abdominal pain. Prior to pain medication, her blood pressure was 194/104 (for those who don’t know, that’s stroke city). She is in PAIN. The ER doctor orders pain medication, 15 mins later her blood pressure is 124/74 (perfection). Why am I telling you this not so exciting story? I have a point…I promise. She was admitted and given pain medication every 2-4 hours to control her pain. Today she was discharged, and the doctor (one who did not see her at all except to discharge her) writes her NO orders for pain medication. NONE. Zip. Zilch. I was livid. It takes a lot, and I mean A LOT, to get me angry. You have to put in effort. We go home and not even three hours later my mom is back to where she was on Saturday, the reason we took her in the first place.

This story is a picture of life…I told you I had a point. As we continue our sojourn of life, we will encounter pain. All pain has a root cause, being something or someone that inflicts it. No pain is random. All pain hurts. All these statements about pain are true. Here’s another truth. Most times, instead of dealing with the root cause, we take pain medication that deadens the pain, but doesn’t cure the problem. So, what happens? We get sent home and two hours later the pain is back. If they had figured out the root cause of my mom’s pain, we could fix it. Same in life, except most times we know the root cause. However, we are too scared to fix it, so we walk around medicated but not healed. I am pushing through till my mom finds a solution and not just a quick fix. In life we should do the same…push through the pain, find the cause…eradicate it. Pain medicine eventually wears off. The cure lasts forever.