I haven’t posted in awhile. The last few days have been a rough. It feels like I am stuck in a dark tunnel and I can see the light at the end I have been walking toward it for what seems like forever, but not getting closer. Oddly, the more I walk toward the light the further away it becomes. I am realizing I have an issue with pride, and not the “I am awesome”, but the false humility kind. It is sad because right now as I write this I need help, and I am still (even after learning a really good lesson yesterday), struggling to ask for it. Why? Because to me it is a sign of weakness. A sign that I am not trusting God to do what He said he would do. Yesterday someone said this to me, “Asking for help is about trusting God, and trusting the people He has placed in your life.” I hadn’t thought about it from that perspective, I am all about helping, but I never saw the importance (until yesterday) of being helped. It very humbling and breaking to ask for help. To be vulnerable enough to show your fault and inadequacy. However, it is a necessary step to get is to move forward. If our pride keeps us from asking, then it is also keeping us from receiving. I am in the midst of breaking down this wall. It is difficult, but necessary. My wise counselor also said, “If God wanted to He could drop what you needed from the sky. But He wants you to grow through the asking, and He wants the one being asked to grow through the giving.” Who knew this would be my biggest struggle, yet?

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).

So what’s my plan of attack? Ask.

Here’s a bit of irony to further hit home the point. Yesterday the first sentence in my Pastor’s sermon were these words: “Find someone that says, ‘I need HELP'”. Yup, God’s got jokes… 🙂