I have been reading my blog, from the beginning. Why? I have been feeling a little out of sorts lately, life has gotten a little difficult and it seems as though all the doors I am trying to walk through are being shut. This has me feeling scared and worried about my future and the future of my mother. Prior to today I have been more whiny than usually, because of my fear. Today as I read through my early writings I realized how much I have grown and how much I have changed. But I also realized that this time, this moment is a test. A way for me to see my heart, despite all that is happening could I still be faithful? Could I still trust and follow without question? There are days when I am on fire when wild horses couldn’t shake my faith. There are other days when a light breeze is all it would take to knock me over. On my days of faith my trust, ALL of it, is in God. On my days of  “lack” of faith, my trust is in me (and I don’t trust me). As I was perusing the words I had written I came across DAY 25 (written over a year ago). I was reminded that trust is a matter of letting go of the reigns, and just floating in the direction that God chooses.

DAY 25 (January 25, 2013):

He is the wind. We are the leaf. Let Him MOVE us. (Picture by Lisa R.)

Life lessons from a leaf. Today I watched this leaf just move in whatever direction the wind took it for about 20 minutes. At moments the guidance was very specific: to the left, to the right, up, or down. Other times the leaf stayed suspended in the air as the wind decided on a route to send it. Yet, other times the leaf stayed in the grass waiting to obey the direction of its journey’s leader. Then, I had this thought: “I am the leaf and God is the wind.” Do I follow Him with the same ease? Sadly the answer is, NO. Often times I have to be prodded and redirected while having my conscience pricked. However, my goal and dream is to be like this leaf…move without hesitation.

“Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me'” (John 21:22).

So what am I thankful for today? That following without knowing the destination is freeing.