Don’t see the stretch you have to run. See the finish line.

After yesterday’s realization. I decided to get back on track with my life. So decided to started doing the things that make me, well, me. So today I worked out, (it helps to clear my mind). I looked at my eating pattern and have made a plan to change the way I deal with stress. I have this bad habit of abandoning the things that give me peace and keep me centered when I am stressed, worried, or scared.  Today as I was formulating my plan I was reminded of something we tell our patients going through chemo: Don’t stop your life. Continuing doing the things you like to do. When you don’t feel like getting out of bed, make yourself get up. Live your life. Why do we give this advice? Because we (human beings) make subtle unconscious changes when life gets uncomfortable, when things are outside the realm of our control. These tiny compromises start to pile one on top of the other and before we know it… BAM! We are in a black whole of our own creation unable to find our way out. Today I made a conscious choice to regain my joy. A conscious choice to not worry, to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Today for the first time in a while, I felt like me again. My life now (the one I am afraid of letting go of) is not where I want to be. Which begs the question, why do I want to stay? Honestly, it’s comfortable, it’s the evil I know, so to speak. But when I take my feelings and fears out of the equation  and look clearly I realize that there is NO room for growth where I am now, no chance for change. I’d rather try and fail, then never try and never know. So I am taking the advice that I give on a daily basis to heart. I am going live my life, do the things I like to do, and move forward. Just like my patients are’t sidetracked by cancer, I won’t be sidetracked by fear. Plus God’s in control… so what am I worried about? God’s got this!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2).

So what’s the plan? One foot in front of the other, with my eyes focused on God.