Category Archives: Cancer

Mar13

Random (hopefully inspired) Thought

Posted on March 13, 2015 by lsgrlr

I have hidden Thy word in my heart.
(Picture by Lisa R)

2 Kings 23. “Then the king stood by a pillar and made a covenant before the Lord, to follow the Lord and to keep His commandments and His testimonies and His statutes, with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of this covenant that were written in this book. And all the people took a stand for the covenant” (Verse 3). Finally a king that does everything right. A king who not only loves and serves God, but leads his people to follow God as well. Josiah did not just get of some of the idols, he literally rid Israel of all of it. He lead the people back to real worship. This chapter is a reminder to us who call ourselves Christians of what the “call” is. We are not meant to just be nice, just be good, we are meant to lead people to God. We are meant to tear down idols and show people the truth of Christ. Today I am convicted by this king’s action… I pray you are as well.

Sep26

DAY 268 (2014)

Posted on September 26, 2014 by lsgrlr

Standard

So true!

Yesterday I went for an interview. It is for a really good company, I previously applied for the same position with the company. I even went as far as flying to NY from Florida to do the testing. However, a week after I was informed that I was no longer a candidate for the position. I was disappointed, but I let it go. Yesterday when I sat with the interviewer he pulled up my info and then got this rather quizzical look on his face. His expression said, “What the heck?!” So I asked, “Why do you have that expression on your face?” He laughed and said, “I have never been able to control my expressions. I have gotten in trouble a lot for that.” I told him I’d like to play a game of poker with him… 🙂 . He laughed and then said this, “I don’t understand why you didn’t make it through the last time. You passed the testing.” Huh… we continued the interview (I did not have to take the test again… Yay!). On the drive home I started to wonder as to why God had closed a door that could have had me moving to Western New York with a job to come to? Then my mind ran across my friend Karla. Why is this so important? I wrote a post about her recently (not sure of the DAY). She is a friend that I had invited to church on multiply occasions, each time she told me no. However, she finally said yes in July. Had the comapny hired me I would have left Florida in March, never attempting to ask her again. Then my mind ran across Miss A. Miss A was a patient who previously had gone through chemo, was found to have resolution of the disease. However, several months later in April was diagnosed with a new very aggressive form of cancer that literally has a six week window of life expectancy (that is the standard prognosis for most people diagnosed with this form of cancer). During that time I bought her a devotional because I felt that God told me to do so. It is now September and Miss A is not only is alive, but walking and talking on her own (which is miraculous). Here’s what I realized God had a reason that was BIGGER than I could have imagined. His purpose was eternal. Today Karla has inherited a peace that she says she can’t explain. Miss A’s husband once told me that both he and his wife read the devotional everyday. It’s the first thing they do every morning. Yesterday the interviewer said something else that floored me. “When a door is closed it is ALWAYS for a reason”. He’ll never know how true his words were. God had a much better plan.

“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: These are the words of Him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open” (Revelation 3:7).

Lesson: Let God shut and open the doors as He wills. The outcome will always be worth it.

Side story: Today I got a phone call for Final Interview… God’s got a plan 🙂

Jul11

DAY 192 (2014)

Posted on July 11, 2014 by lsgrlr

Standard

Don’t see the stretch you have to run. See the finish line.

After yesterday’s realization. I decided to get back on track with my life. So decided to started doing the things that make me, well, me. So today I worked out, (it helps to clear my mind). I looked at my eating pattern and have made a plan to change the way I deal with stress. I have this bad habit of abandoning the things that give me peace and keep me centered when I am stressed, worried, or scared. Today as I was formulating my plan I was reminded of something we tell our patients going through chemo: Don’t stop your life. Continuing doing the things you like to do. When you don’t feel like getting out of bed, make yourself get up. Live your life. Why do we give this advice? Because we (human beings) make subtle unconscious changes when life gets uncomfortable, when things are outside the realm of our control. These tiny compromises start to pile one on top of the other and before we know it… BAM! We are in a black whole of our own creation unable to find our way out. Today I made a conscious choice to regain my joy. A conscious choice to not worry, to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Today for the first time in a while, I felt like me again. My life now (the one I am afraid of letting go of) is not where I want to be. Which begs the question, why do I want to stay? Honestly, it’s comfortable, it’s the evil I know, so to speak. But when I take my feelings and fears out of the equation and look clearly I realize that there is NO room for growth where I am now, no chance for change. I’d rather try and fail, then never try and never know. So I am taking the advice that I give on a daily basis to heart. I am going live my life, do the things I like to do, and move forward. Just like my patients are’t sidetracked by cancer, I won’t be sidetracked by fear. Plus God’s in control… so what am I worried about? God’s got this!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2).

So what’s the plan? One foot in front of the other, with my eyes focused on God.

Apr23

DAY 113 (2014)

Posted on April 23, 2014 by lsgrlr

Standard

Wait. Don’t complain. God has a purpose for the yield sign.

This officially is my “patients give me advice week”. Since the beginning of the week patients having been refreshing my soul and giving me bits of wisdom (instead of the other way around). Today’s encounter especially blessed my heart and so I have decided to share it. One of our originals had an office visit today (originals are patients that started with us when we first opened). For the sake of privacy we’ll call her Ms. S. When Ms. S first came to us her cancer was newly diagnosed. She went through chemotherapy with good response, had surgery and finished off with radiation. Scans showed a clean bill of health. Almost a year later she presented with a recurrence of cancer. She was devastated by the news. She had fought so hard and won, but now to have this happen… Today when she sat before me, it was like none of those days ever happened. They felt like a distant memory I had made up in my head. She smiled at me, gave me a hug and a kiss. Then said, “When are you going on the mission field?” I almost teared up (it’s a sore subject between God and I, the mission field). I replied, “God keeps telling me to wait.” I guess my face reflected more than I wanted it to, because she then said, “Don’t be angry and don’t rush God.” I looked at her and thought, she still sees God as good despite all she has gone through. She continued with, “He has a purpose for this. A reason why you are STILL here. Do you know, what it means after you hear you have cancer, to talk to someone like you? It is a blessing. You are a blessing, so don’t rush Him. He has a reason.” F L O O R E D!!!! (and humbled). I have been complaining to God, because it feels as though NOTHING is going my way. But today He literally shut me up. In the past week I have watched Him provide when I didn’t even ask (mostly because I had resigned myself to the idea of my needs not getting met). Each met need has been like a little spark igniting inside me reminding me that God moves. Today He not only moved, He spoke. He used the perfect voice too. The voice of someone who knows that God is good even if you get breast cancer, twice. Today the spark ignited into a fire.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

So what’s the plan? I am going to learn to wait, and as I wait I will fulfill the purpose for which I am waiting.

Feb10

DAY 41 (2014)

Posted on February 10, 2014 by lsgrlr

Standard

We can’t do it alone, we all need help on the journey.
(Picture taken at House Of Hope, S. Korea)

Today was a rough day emotionally. I know in the medical field you shouldn’t have favorites, but I have to admit there are some patients that feel more like family. One “family” member is in the hospital right now. The orders are to discharge to hospice (which for me usually means, they won’t be going home again). her family, understandably so, is dodging the hospice nurse. They aren’t ready, she’s not ready, I am not ready for that matter. After a visit which ’bout broke my heart. I started to wonder why I do this, why did I chose to work in a place that brings some much loss? Loss that even when I pretend it is fine, never is. About an hour after my visit with that “family” member. Another member of the family came in. Two years ago, she had the same discharge orders (hospice). She had cancer everywhere…brain, spine, and breast. She had to walk with a walker, she could not stand on her own and at one point she had such bad mental impairment she couldn’t complete sentences. Today she drove herself to the office visit, she was joking about her children, and she is thankful everyday for every single breath she breaths. As I was talking to her, that still voice reminded me…That right there is why I do this. Because while there is pain in this job, there is also HOPE. Hope is why I do this…everyday we fight, we give someone who may not have otherwise had it…HOPE.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

So what’s my plan of attack? Hold on to HOPE.