For the last fourteen days, I have lived like Peter on the water with Jesus, only his eyes were not on Jesus, but on the circumstances he was in, the waves rushing, the ocean that he was most certainly (in his mind) not meant to be walking on, the boat that he was NOT in bouncing back and forth. Like Peter, I have been sinking in my sadness, fear, worry, uncertainty, and yes, anxiety. However, at my core, deep inside my heart, that place that knows God is still the same God who called Peter out of the boat and the same God who stood on the water and allowed Peter to do the same. Even as I sink, I know that my hope is in a God who controls the waves. I completely understand that if I took my eyes off the circumstances surrounding me and focused on Him, He would lift me up and keep me from drowning.

Today, after talking to my brother and admitting openly that I was not okay. God opened a door in my heart, a door I had stood in front of desperately wanting to walk through, but for reasons I could not or maybe would not reach out my hand to grab the handle. But God (my absolute favorite two words in the Bible) flung it open for me. I cried out to Him, I told Him everything, every fear, every worry, and every disappointment. I dropped the “Christian” mask, you know the one, it smiles and says everything is okay, God’s got it, even as you wonder if He really does,

He does. He always does, and always will.

“I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous.” Joshua 1:5-6a

You see, friends, courage is not the absence of fear; it’s the presence of trust. Trust in a God that walks on water and calms the storms of our lives and the world around us. It’s okay to have fears; it’s human. It’s okay to ask God, “Do you have this?” He’s not afraid of our fear or our questions. So, if, like me, you have been living like Peter sinking in the seas. Look up and cry out to God; He will lift you up.

So, what am I thankful for today? A God who is not afraid of my fears.